Through the Dark Night to the Mystical Noontide
Dedicated to Christians suffering for the faith worldwide.
There is no Light that I can see.
I believe in God.
But, He has left me
In the darkness.
Crosses beyond my strength to carry.
Suffering for Him.
But, is seems, He no longer loves me.
Broken beyond repair.
None believed me.
The cross to accept misunderstandings.
The cross to accept misrepresentations.
The cross to accept rejection.
Years of work ruined by another.
The cross to accept injustice without bitterness.
Sins too many to count.
The cross to confess many failures.
Stripped of my belongings as public property.
The cross to accept the humiliations.
Hardened hearts choosing never to forgive.
The cross to ask God to forgive them.
Expected to do the impossible.
The cross to be contrite for my self loathing.
Crushed, broken, shaken, stripped, crucified.
Wanting to be like Christ.
But, The Way of the Cross I have failed miserably.
Fighting battles beyond my capacities.
Only He can win the battles.
Meeting failure after failure.
Despising my work.
No money. No possessions.
But, He supplies my daily needs.
Hidden in obscurity.
My credits all robbed or destroyed.
I can only hope...
My fruits are in the shade.
In my Secret Heart where He abides.
This Season of Night testing me to the max.
How I fear my failures in the Dark Night!
My spirit is a Dark Moon and a Dry River.
My garden is withered away.
Discouraged and defeated.
Desolation is my daily bread.
Understanding Job now,
" I looked for good; but, only evil came."
" I looked for light; but, only found darkness."
At noon, I stumble as if it were midnight.
My daily prayer, " Arise, Oh Holy Light in this dark night!"
I surrendered to Him and was led to the wilderness.
He left me to myself to stumble drastically.
That I may find in myself nothingness.
And, in Him, everything.
This darkness was only myself.
For, only in Him is there Light.
How He has shown me,
" I am dark; but, lovely." (song of songs)
Indeed, I am dark as night!
Do not look at me.
You shall only find darkness.
The Way, the Truth and the Life!
He weakened me.
He humbled me.
That I may know the Truth.
That I may serve Truth.
That I may love Truth.
That I may surrender wholly to Truth.
He melted me in the Fires of Suffering.
Only torture could lead my troubled soul to Truth.
At the end of the day, I am only a sinner.
I am only darkness.
I am only misery.
This Spiritual Depression,
These Chambers of Darkness,
Are within my head.
But, deep within my soul,
I know it because I have not been driven to despair!
This profound spiritual depression is not fatal!
In solitude I lost all, including myself!
I can no longer be who I was.
The Darkness profoundly changed me.
I asked Him to tell me where He lays down at Noontide.
"Tell me, you whom my soul loves,
where you pasture your flock,
where you make it to lie down at noon." (song of songs)
He led me to storms with rains overflowing the rivers.
Then, to sun shining deep into the rivers.
He forced me to lose the flocks I had been following.
That I may someday lay down at noon.
But, the Royal Road to Noontide is the Cross.
There is no other way.
And, if He had to take the cross, carry it and be crucified.
Than, I should ask for nothing less.
Knowing, "He that dies with Christ shall also rise."
And, soon the Mystical Noontide is coming.
Until then, all that matters is...
To Know Him,
To Believe in Him,
To Hope in Him,
To Love Him,
To Serve Him..
For, "only in God is my soul at rest."